This is the second in a series of writings by Michele Green on enduring friendship and returning to dance later in life. Michele performs with Artist in Resident Suzette Sherman 'On the Stage' on Saturday, June 3, 8:00 pm, at the River Run Centre.
A JOURNAL OF A DANCER'S LEAP OF FAITH
by Michele Green
Never say never.
At 64 years old, one
would think it safe to conclude that one’s journey as a dancer has truly ended.
Especially considering that I haven’t danced professionally since 1976 and have
been retired from a twenty-year career as a dance instructor for sixteen years.
But things happen.
Happily retired and
living northwest of Toronto, I re-connected with longtime friend and college
Suzette Sherman who lives in the area. We enjoyed various classes in yoga,
pilates and other fitness adventures together over the ensuing fifteen years
while Suzette continued working with DanceTheatre DavidEarle in Guelph as instructor, teacher, mentor and performer. But, other than
the period when I was writing the book ‘David Earle, a Choreographic Biography’
and spending hours at the studio interviewing David, my shadow has never
darkened the studio door.
Over the years,
Suzette has expressed an interest in dancing with me again. A ‘bucket list’
type of interest. My answer was always a slightly hysterical ‘my dancing days
are over’.
And then, last
summer, Suzette received funding for a residency with the 2017 Guelph Dance Festival during which she could collaborate with someone of her choice to
create a work. Suzette discussed
this with me from the beginning and I supported the names on her ‘possibility’
list. She mentioned putting me on the list a couple times and received my stock
response.
But something
happened over the summer. We were both approaching our 64th birthdays and
I woke up one morning thinking ‘why not?’ Worstcase scenario I would try one
class and one of us would say ‘this isn’t going to work’. So after Suzette
weathered a few unsuccessful attempts to work out schedules with others on her
list, we settled on a plan.
On Friday, October
21st,
2016, I warmed up in the studio for an advanced class after a forty-year hiatus
with the understanding that I would only do what I thought I could and then
slip over to the corner like a wounded animal to watch. My personal goal was to
make it through half of the floor work – fifteen minutes.
The body is a
wonderful instrument. Although this instrument felt like it was critically in
need of a tune-up, the movement I remembered and loved flowed back into my
muscles; adrenaline flooded my brain. I made it through the entire class, jumps
included. It was a glorious moment. Suzette hugged me
and told me she couldn’t believe it. She was not alone. Dance fever was running
through my veins and I knew it would take a lot to put the brakes on this
journey now.
It is very
intimidating to watch a seasoned professional like Suzette instruct a class.
I’ve had several opportunities over the last few years to watch her teach, but
participating is, of course, an entirely different experience. She has honed
her skill to a level where the movements come organically, looking
effortless and exquisite. She teaches with such attention to detail and love of
the art form that every correction to the class is like the gift of a precious
jewel. I had so much to re-learn, re-train and rejuvenate. It was all a bit
overwhelming. But I like a challenge.
The next morning I
woke up and could hardly move. Despite being in what might be considered
excellent condition for my age, there were muscles I hadn’t used in years. My
lower back was screaming at me from the contractions and spirals. My legs ached
from fan kicks and grande battements. The
bottoms of my feet felt raw from turns and jumps. It was great. I couldn’t wait
for the next class.
We spent many hours
listening to music that might be appropriate for our piece. Suzette has worked
previously with pianist Emilyn Stam, and we eventually settled on a beautiful
piano piece of hers entitled ‘Dusk’. With a theme based loosely on the
forty-two years of our friendship, we set to work.
Two-hour weekly
rehearsals started on November 8 at the local racquetball club where Suzette
had rented space for us. We immediately loved working together again and the
rehearsals breezed by much too quickly.
Suzette was generous
with her praise and gentle with her ‘suggestions’ to lead me away from the
years of habits I had built from teaching and motivating children. We videoed
the number as it progressed and, although watching myself came with a fair
share of grumbling on my part due to the
disappointment between what I looked like in my mind and what reality was
showing me, the videos proved endlessly helpful.
I added a second
weekly technique class around the time that rehearsals started and we tagged
short rehearsals on to the end of those two classes. In total I was doing about
five hours of rehearsals and three hours of class time each week. It was not
long before this old body started to protest. Other than basic stiffness, my
foot protested for a few days, then my hip and then my back. It seemed there
was always something nagging at me. I was still finding it difficult to pick up
combinations in class and the combined frustration built to where I questioned
this decision.
My biggest fear was to disappoint Suzette – either by backing out or (even worse) by not backing out of the project. This project was an opportunity for Suzette to spend studio time doing something she loved other than teaching or directing. Pure creative ‘fun’ and I began to doubt if I could rise to the challenge and to meet her expectations.
My biggest fear was to disappoint Suzette – either by backing out or (even worse) by not backing out of the project. This project was an opportunity for Suzette to spend studio time doing something she loved other than teaching or directing. Pure creative ‘fun’ and I began to doubt if I could rise to the challenge and to meet her expectations.
As good friends, we
talked it out and I had to accept that the limitations I felt were not showing
as much as I imagined. I was improving, gaining strength and renewing technique
and our rehearsal time was truly enjoyable and creative. So we motored on.
Before we knew it,
Christmas break had arrived and, although I begrudged the time off, my body was
grateful for a three-week break. We had loosely finished the five-minute number
and felt a real sense of accomplishment. Suzette seemed pleased with the
results, although, considering that we both love the rehearsal and cleaning
process, we used up every second of rehearsal time changing, tweaking and
polishing each movement.
And so, into
January. I was eager to begin, but, sidelined by the vicious flu that was
running rampant through the country, I slithered rather than leapt back to
classes and rehearsals.
Over the months I had
become acquainted with the core of advanced dancers who attended most classes.
Every young woman was gracious, kind and willing to help an old woman
struggling with combinations across the floor. In the short time I had
participated in classes I could see their technique improve, their grace and
understanding of the movements clarified. All of course, because of Suzette’s
relentless desire to not just ‘give a class’ but to truly ‘teach a class’. The
difference lies in her deep understanding of the technique and her ability to
explain in detail the essence and focus of the movements. Her standards are
very high, just being in the class and following along is not good enough.
Those listening could not help but improve and I hoped I was one of them.
Suzette began
reviewing the two solos that would bookend our duet in the show. As the only
other person in the room I became the critical eye, watching for moments or
movements that could be improved. Of course, those moments were virtually
non-existent as her movements flowed so organically it was difficult to imagine
any other path than the one she pursued. The seed of doubt resurfaced inside
me. What was I thinking planning to be on the stage with this icon of modern
dance? But Suzette could see the changes in my technique, my movement and the
toning of my body, although it was more difficult for me to assess, and so we continued.
In early March we
began teaching the duet to four of the senior women – Kelly Steadman, Megan
O’Donnell, Georgia Simms and Jenna Oxley. The process was exciting to see how
each couple changed the physical shape of the work. But the larger challenge
would be how they would interpret the emotional context of a dance that was
built around a forty-year friendship. Learning steps and timing is only a
stepping stone to actual ‘dancing’ and finding their own individual meaning to
make the piece their own would be critical.
……….
A third installment in this series is forthcoming. For tickets to see Suzette and Michele perform, visit the River Run Centre box office (519-763-3000).
Bottom photo: Ellen Snowball
